Christos Anesti!
WOMAN INJURES HERSELF CLAPPING, SUES "CLAPPER" INVENTOR
Once again we feel compelled to repeat our slogan “we don’t’ make this stuff up”, nor could we.
You all know that annoying late-night commercial for that ridiculous device you cannot imagine anyone ordering, the one where you can clap on and off the nightstand lamp (instead of just reaching over and twisting the switch), also known as “The Clapper”?
It seems that an elderly New York woman named Edna Hubbs clapped a little too enthusiastically trying to get the frick’n lamp to turn-off already, and the poor dear aggravated her arthritis.
I mean, who knew that if you repeatedly slap your hands together hard enough it might actually hurt?
Naturally her attorney sued the Clapper’s inventors.
Alas, a New York Court of appeal panel said “clap-off” to this bogus lawsuit.
Related: CAUTION:THISSUPERMAN SUIT WILL NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY—Are Consumer Product Warning Labels Out of Control? (Ariz. St. L.J.)
SECOND TEEN IN A MONTH SURVIVES GG BRIDGE PLUNGE
Now Reuters brings us a second teen, this time a 16 year old girl who made the leap and survived today—in April of 2011--barely one month later!
Reported the news service:
“The teen was found "conscious and responsive" beneath the suspension bridge at about 11:15 a.m. on Sunday, said U.S. Coast Guard spokesman Levi Read.”. "Normally when we're talking about a jumper from the Golden Gate Bridge, the numbers show it's not a high probability that they're going to survive," Read said.That is an understatement; over 98% of all bridge jumpers die on impact—the distance mid-span from roadway to water is 270 feet, figure 10 feet per floor, or the equivalent of a jump from the 27th floor of a building.
At this height water begins to resemble concrete more than water.
Contrast the world record professional high dives:
The world record for the highest dive into water is held by, depending on who you ask, Dana Kunze (172 feet and walked away) or Oliver Favre (177 feet but broke his back.) Not taking air resistance into account, their velocity on impact would have been 72 or 73 miles per hour.
And now this update to the story:
An Alamo family out for a weekend sail found the teen jumper in the water and pulled her to safety. reports the San Jose Mercury News.
Their first thought was that they had spotted a whale breaching the water. However, they then saw the usually happy, waving pedestrian crowd on the bridge pointing to the water. What they found was a 16-year-old girl, an unconscious, bloodied bridge jumper who they helped keep afloat until professional rescuers arrived.
California Highway Patrol spokesman Patrick Roth said the girl, whose name is not being released, is from Southern California and was with family on vacation when she handed her sister a diary that contained a suicide note. Details weren't available on the circumstances immediately before, but then she jumped.
Roth said the girl did not break any bones, but she did suffer a punctured lung, bruised back and internal bleeding. She is expected to survive -- one of a very small percentage of people to survive the 220-foot drop.
Last year, 32 people committed suicide by jumping off the bridge, according to the Associated Press. Jumpers who are not killed on impact often drown after suffering severe internal injuries and broken bones. Only about 2 percent survive, statistics show.
We have heard it takes a perfectly controlled feet first dive, but at just steep enough of an angle that you don’t go too deep and drown.
Our bottom line: Don’t.
SPECTOR ORAL ARGUMENTS TODAY: JUSTICE ALDRICH APPEARS HOSTILE TO SPECTOR APPEAL, KLINE SYMPATHETIC, KITCHING AN ENIGMA
Justice Aldrich of the three judge panel that will decide Spector appeal ***BREAKING NEWS***** Los Angeles, CA We asked a person attending the oral arguments in the Spector appeal this morning to email us with their impressions for the one hour hearing. Here are the highlights from our field report: Justice Aldrich took the lead in questioning by the three justice panel and appeared hostile to Spector’s grounds for appeal. According to our informant: “Justice Aldrich really pounded the appellate. He told Dennis Riordan that the cases cited in the appeal briefs didn't relate to this one.” Apparently, the major points focused on by the court were the Jaime Lintermoot and Judge Fidler testimony regarding the blood spatter, the Ewoldt case regarding the standards for admissibility of the testimony of the five women regarding prior gun brandishing incidents. Dennis Riordan was described a “passionate Presiding Justice Klein (who was appointed to the court of appeal by Jerry Brown in 1978) seemed the most sympathetic to Spector’s arguments that the testimony of the five women was prejudicial. According to our source at the hearing, Justice Kitching said very little. Our source also said:
“The AG brought up the Doctrine of Chances to which Dennis stated on rebuttal it was not admissible. He continued to point out that there was no evidence of forcing the gun, no gun in mouth, and no evidence of anger at Lana Clarkson this was in regard to Doctrine of Chances. The AG was arguing that it was only a matter of time that something like this would happen because according to these women this is what he did.”The bottom line, according to our source:
Aldrich did ask the AG how the “doctrine of chances theory” differed from plain old character-propensity evidence, but “I would have to say based on what I observed today that Justice Aldrich is squarely on the side of the prosecution. Justice Klein though getting a little impatient with Dennis during the Lintermoot discussion, I guess she felt he was repetitive, did grill the AG on the 5 women and how highly prejudicial they were in the case and also the Doctrine of Chances. Justice Kitching said very little.
EVEN JOE FRANCIS LAWYER SURPRISED AT DEFENSE VERDICT
Multi-millionare Girls Gone Wild producer Joe Francis Joe Francis, the moronic yet financially successful producer of the “Girl’s Gone Wild” video series pulled one out of a tailspin in a Florida courtroom today when a civil jury exonerated the millionaire, who left town on his own private jet. Francis represented himself during the trial until he accused two of the 18 year old plaintiffs (who were underage when Francis filmed them acting, well, wild) of being “prostitutes”, whereupon the judge fined Francis $2,500 and terminated his right to represent himself--ironically saving Francis from himself. Enter Francis’s attorneys, who somehow managed to pull off a defense verdict—which even surprised THEM. The money quote:
Read More: Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis not liable for the emotional distress in federal case (AP)"I was very surprised because it's not often that you find a jury that actually follows the law”, Francis’s counselor remarked.
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